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- my hugs are pretty much an awesome turn-on.
- my hugs are not unlike being grappled by a large and desperate teddy bear - as in a fat stuffed animal with dead eyes that lacks emotions, personality, and genitalia.
- i smell good, like all the time.
- i smell like a general combination of orange cheetoe powder and sadness.
- i have "beautiful" teeth.
- my teeth have slowly been going crooked over the last year, they're yellow as fuck from 19 cups of coffee a day, and i have halitosis.
- my twitter game has been ON LOCK recently.
- well, okay.
- my consistent use of the word "darlin'" is "retro" and "neat."
- i'm a condescending sexist prick, my "country" affectations are more retarded than taylor swift, and someone is going to punch my throat.
- i'm super crazy awesome and it's weird that i haven't had more threesomes.
- i'm a lame fat dude that finds it necessary to make jokes to cover the fact that no one likes me, and my only involvement in threesomes ever is when the girl i was in love with had really loud sex with a skinny douchier version of me near my general vicinity.
- i get written about on blogs i don't follow or even know about, in a positive way.
- i'm more used to "i have started a blog and it's sole purpose is to talk shit about tim fucking davids."
- maybe none of y'all are out of my goddamn league.
